It is Father’s Day 2018 and it’s a summer day not much different from any other day. After getting on social media and perusing for Father’s Day posts and wishing the audience a generic Happy Father’s Day, I realized for the first time that I don’t have anyone to say that to anymore. My father has been gone for almost 3 years but for some reason this year it’s sunk into me.

I think the impetus comes from a conversation I had with my 5 year old last night. 5 year old and conversation really aren’t what you’d call stimulating interaction but sometimes things just get said. I was trying to explain to him that today is Father’s Day and after a couple of attempts I finally said, “It’s Father’s Day because I have you, and your sister and brothers!”. This quieted him and seemed to blow his mind. But, it got me thinking about that mine isn’t with us anymore and while it made me sad, it also made me smile because even gone, he’s still my father. It’s permanent and that can’t be undone by something as simple as death.

I’d give a ton of money or even working body parts to be able to see Dad and tell him Happy Father’s Day one more time. Each year it gets a little easier but I don’t think I’m ever NOT going to be sad that he’s not here. I also hope that my kids see me the same way. I’m the father and nothing changes that and I’d have it no other way.